Throughout my life, I have had many disappointments. I can't even recall them all right now, except for a few life altering events. I've been told all my life that I'm not pretty, not good enough, not worthy; you know the drill. Therefore, I surround myself with very, very few people that I trust and who I open up to. I have this character flaw in which I tend to trust first and ask questions later. I latch onto people when they "act" like my friend and then become vastly disappointed when they shove me aside for greener pastures. I am not sure why I don't see these things before they happen. I guess I am just so happy and grateful that someone actually WANTS to be my friend. I know that sounds pathetic, which is why I distance myself from everyone and don't make friends easily. Oh, I have family(who are not close to me) and I have some people in my life who could be called friends. I have a best friend, but even with her we don't really talk that regularly(she knows how I am).
I have been betrayed in my real life a couple of times. These were very devastating and hurtful events that have made me even more of a hermit and loner than I was to begin with. It still never ceases to amaze me how vindictive and hurtful people can be. I probably deceive myself in this. I take everything at face value and believe in the goodness of people and what they tell me. I'm not perfect or even close. I get upset and vent like the next person. If I like someone, then they usually know it. If I don't, well they probably know that too. I try to be tactful, because the last thing I ever want to do is hurt someone else's feelings. I WANT to be happy and therefore, I want everyone else to be happy, too. I just don't want their happiness to come at my expense if I can help it.
Like I said, I have to vent and unload my mental burdens from time to time. I guess this blog post is one of those. My point to this post is that I need to take a break from my online life even if just for a little while. Anybody that knows me online will know that I won't be able to stay away for long. I enjoy, for the most part, my online interactions. However, the past few months have been a bit rough on me and I need to take a step back and gain some perspective. I'm not throwing a fit nor am I planning to delete any of my online accounts.
This is just a breather to gather myself and try to get back the happy feelings I used to get by being online. I hope I can regain them soon. Who knows? This break might be 12 hours or 12 days. I can't say for sure. I guess if I get to the point where I miss everyone too much that will be my signal to get back on.
To those of you who know how to get in touch with me, I'll still be around. Thank you to everyone who has been a friend to me or even nice to me in passing. I truly appreciate it. So, I guess this is it for now. I hope to talk to everyone real soon.