Discouraged and Disappointed

Throughout my life, I have had many disappointments. I can't even recall them all right now, except for a few life altering events. I've been told all my life that I'm not pretty, not good enough, not worthy; you know the drill. Therefore, I surround myself with very, very few people that I trust and who I open up to. I have this character flaw in which I tend to trust first and ask questions later. I latch onto people when they "act" like my friend and then become vastly disappointed when they shove me aside for greener pastures. I am not sure why I don't see these things before they happen. I guess I am just so happy and grateful that someone actually WANTS to be my friend. I know that sounds pathetic, which is why I distance myself from everyone and don't make friends easily. Oh, I have family(who are not close to me) and I have some people in my life who could be called friends. I have a best friend, but even with her we don't really talk that regularly(she knows how I am).

I have been betrayed in my real life a couple of times. These were very devastating and hurtful events that have made me even more of a hermit and loner than I was to begin with. It still never ceases to amaze me how vindictive and hurtful people can be. I probably deceive myself in this. I take everything at face value and believe in the goodness of people and what they tell me. I'm not perfect or even close. I get upset and vent like the next person. If I like someone, then they usually know it. If I don't, well they probably know that too. I try to be tactful, because the last thing I ever want to do is hurt someone else's feelings. I WANT to be happy and therefore, I want everyone else to be happy, too. I just don't want their happiness to come at my expense if I can help it.

Like I said, I have to vent and unload my mental burdens from time to time. I guess this blog post is one of those. My point to this post is that I need to take a break from my online life even if just for a little while. Anybody that knows me online will know that I won't be able to stay away for long. I enjoy, for the most part, my online interactions. However, the past few months have been a bit rough on me and I need to take a step back and gain some perspective. I'm not throwing a fit nor am I planning to delete any of my online accounts.

This is just a breather to gather myself and try to get back the happy feelings I used to get by being online. I hope I can regain them soon. Who knows? This break might be 12 hours or 12 days. I can't say for sure. I guess if I get to the point where I miss everyone too much that will be my signal to get back on.

To those of you who know how to get in touch with me, I'll still be around. Thank you to everyone who has been a friend to me or even nice to me in passing. I truly appreciate it. So, I guess this is it for now. I hope to talk to everyone real soon.

Coffee

It's really difficult to find something to post this weekend that makes me happy, but this morning as I took that first sip of my coffee with french vanilla creamer and sweetener, I thought, "This makes me happy." You know what I mean, that first sip of warm perfectly brewed and doctored java first thing in the morning. Yes, this is what I declare as my happy for today. :D



<--- I found some cool coffee art online and had to share, as well. This blends my love of all things space and coffee.









I thought this was a very nice one too. It's nice to start with a little sunshine in our day. ---->

El Paso - Marty Robbins

Today, I spent some time while driving between patients thinking about what makes me happy. This song, "El Paso," by Marty Robbins always puts a smile on my face. I absolutely love it. I know it's weird, but I can't help it. :D I wanted to share it with you guys in hopes that it might make you smile.








Out in the West Texas town of El Paso
I fell in love with a Mexican girl.
Night-time would find me in Rosa's cantina;
Music would play and Felina would whirl.

Blacker than night were the eyes of Felina,
Wicked and evil while casting a spell.
My love was deep for this Mexican maiden;
I was in love but in vain, I could tell.

One night a wild young cowboy came in,
Wild as the West Texas wind.
Dashing and daring,
A drink he was sharing
With wicked Felina,
The girl that I loved.

So in anger I

Challenged his right for the love of this maiden.
Down went his hand for the gun that he wore.
My challenge was answered in less than a heart-beat;
The handsome young stranger lay dead on the floor.

Just for a moment I stood there in silence,
Shocked by the FOUL EVIL deed I had done.
Many thoughts raced through my mind as I stood there;
I had but one chance and that was to run.

Out through the back door of Rosa's I ran,
Out where the horses were tied.
I caught a good one.
It looked like it could run.
Up on its back
And away I did ride,

Just as fast as I

Could from the West Texas town of El Paso
Out to the bad-lands of New Mexico.

Back in El Paso my life would be worthless.
Everything's gone in life; nothing is left.
It's been so long since I've seen the young maiden
My love is stronger than my fear of death.

I saddled up and away I did go,
Riding alone in the dark.
Maybe tomorrow
A bullet may find me.
Tonight nothing's worse than this
Pain in my heart.

And at last here I

Am on the hill overlooking El Paso;
I can see Rosa's cantina below.
My love is strong and it pushes me onward.
Down off the hill to Felina I go.

Off to my right I see five mounted cowboys;
Off to my left ride a dozen or more.
Shouting and shooting I can't let them catch me.
I have to make it to Rosa's back door.

Something is dreadfully wrong for I feel
A deep burning pain in my side.
Though I am trying
To stay in the saddle,
I'm getting weary,
Unable to ride.

But my love for

Felina is strong and I rise where I've fallen,
Though I am weary I can't stop to rest.
I see the white puff of smoke from the rifle.
I feel the bullet go deep in my chest.

From out of nowhere Felina has found me,
Kissing my cheek as she kneels by my side.
Cradled by two loving arms that I'll die for,
One little kiss and Felina, good-bye.

Happy Valentine's Day

I just wanted to wish a Happy Valentine's Day to everyone whether you are in a relationship or not, today is all about LOVE. However, to all my single friends, Happy Single's Awareness Day. :D

Smile - It will make me happy!

So, I was reading through some of the blogs that I follow this morning and ran across Eyre's blog, A Reader's Journey. She discusses finding something positive about her life everyday and focusing on that. Even if there seems to be nothing good happening at the moment.

Well, I really like that idea. I tend to be pessimistic at best and down right depressed at worst everyday, especially lately. Therefore, I am going to try to find something positive to focus on each morning, whether I blog it or not. I ran across this quote from Groucho Marx and I think it sums up my thoughts(and Eyre's) pretty accurately.


"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

- Groucho Marx


Here are few things that make me happy today:

1. My children(even when they are sick like today)
2. Being able to write
3. Great online friends
4. Random and unexpected emails

Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts

No I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love
I loved the most

I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Runnin' round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are
Runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises

And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

Who do you think you are
Runnin' round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/jar-of-hearts-lyrics-christina-perri.html ]

Raise Your Glass, cuz you are Fuckin' Perfect to me.

It seems here lately that P!nk has been reading my mind. lol I have always loved her work and the messages that she coveys in her songs, but "Raise Your Glass" and "Fuckin' Perfect" have really spoken to me. Some of you know, that the past month or so has been rough on me here in my online life. I never have this much drama in real life. :D

Enjoy the wisdom that is P!nk.



Right right, turn off the lights
We gonna lose our minds tonight
What's the dealio?

I love when it's all too much
5 AM turn the radio up
Where's the rock and roll?

Party crasher, panty snatcha'
Call me up if you are gangsta'
Don't be fancy
Just get dancey
Why so serious?
So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways
All my underdogs, we will never be, never be
Anything but loud
And nitty gritty dirty little freaks
Won't you come on, and come on, and
Raise your glass
Just come on and come and
Raise Your Glass!

Slam slam oh hot damn
What part of party don't you understand?
Wish you'd just freak out (freak out already)
Can't stop coming in hot
I should be locked up right on the spot
It's so on right now (so fuckin' on right now)

Party crasher, panty snatcha'
Call me up if you a gangsta'
Don't be fancy
Just get dancey
Why so serious?

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways
All my underdogs, we will never be, never be
Anything but loud
And nitty gritty dirty little freaks

Won't you come on, and come on, and
Raise your glass
Just come on and come and
Raise Your Glass!
Won't you come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Just come on and come and
Raise your glass!

Oh shit my glass is empty...
that sucks !

So if you're too school for cool (I mean...)
And you're treated like a fool (treated like a fool)
You could choose to let it go
We can always, we can always
party on our own...

So raise your (Aw fuck)
So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways
All my underdogs, we will never be, never be
Anything but loud
And nitty gritty dirty little freaks
So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways
All my underdogs, we will never be never be!
Anything but loud
And nitty gritty dirty little freaks
Won't you come on! and come on! and
Raise your glass
Just come on and come and
Raise your glass
Won't you come on! and come on! and
Raise your glass
For me
Just come on and come and
Raise your glass...for me

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/raise-your-glass-lyrics-pink.html ]





Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing

You're f*ckin' perfect to me

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that..?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me
You're perfect, you're perfect!
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me...

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/fuckin-perfect-lyrics-pink.html ]

In Loving Memory of Jackson McCoy

"There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship." --Thomas Aquinas


"Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend." --Plautus


"A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down." --Arnold H. Glas


"A man's growth is seen in the successive choirs of his friends." --Ralph Waldo Emerson


"Think where mans glory most begins and ends, and say my glory was I had such friends." --William Butler Yeats


"Yes'm, old friends is always best, 'less you can catch a new one that's fit to make an old one out of." --Sarah Orne Jewett


"The happiest moments my heart knows are those in which it is pouring forth its affections to a few esteemed characters." -- Thomas Jefferson


"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost." -- Charles Caleb Colton


Yesterday, we all lost a dear friend. Jackie, you will be terribly missed.



Please visit his website and know that you are not alone - Voices